How to Balance a Healthy Marriage & Social Life

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By: Amanda Frittz

Having a healthy marriage and social life balance was a lesson Adam and I learned the hard way. When we joined our church we overextended ourselves for the first few months before it finally caught up with us.

Adam and I both value intimate friendships, so much so that we had been doing 4-5 social events a week. Many of which consisted of dinners that we hosted or attended.

While this was a great season for our social lives, it slowly began to eat away at the intimacy of our marriage. We hardly had any alone time. All our great conversations together were in the company of other people.

We would become so drained throughout the week that we no longer had the energy to pour into each other. So slowly, we both had forgotten our love to talk to one another. More specifically, Adam had let go of his desire for talking one on one, and I didn’t know how to get him talking.

This lack of intimacy wedged itself so far into our marriage that Adam began watching porn. It wasn’t until the night before I had planned a slumber party that Adam came to me and confessed.

He came to me and told me I needed to cancel my girls night, and that we had some serious work to do in our relationship.

That was the first time in a while that I had made a decision that prioritized our relationship over our social lives.

More on our story with pornography to come, but all that said if you don’t have a healthy balance between your marriage life and social life it can be detrimental to the intimacy in your marriage.

You and Your Spouse Need to Constantly be Working on Unification

If the only time you’re putting effort into socializing with your spouse is when you’re out with friends (like Adam and I did) that’s a huge warning sign! 

Just as God doesn’t want you to only know him through other people (like a pastor), but wants you to know him personally you should strive to know your spouse intimately too.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

You and your husband are meant to be one. You should be talking to him one on one consistently throughout the week and trying to unify your relationship.

Be Purposeful With Your Time

Having planned time set aside to talk with your spouse may not be the most romantic thing ever, but it is necessary.

It’s too easy to get consumed by the busyness of life and forget to nurture your marriage. Over time, the lack of attention on your marriage will allow intimacy to dissipate without you even noticing!

Think about it, with any relationship we want to thrive we have to be purposeful. That’s why you set aside quiet time with God, or schedule weekly dinners with friends.

If you don’t set aside time, it won’t happen.

Set Limits to Maintain a Healthy Marriage & Social Life

Don’t overextend yourself to the point where you have no energy left to put into your marriage.

Limits are going to depend on the couple, and the season you’re in. Plan a time to discuss with your husband what you’re both comfortable committing to. Don’t be afraid to revisit this discussion if you begin to feel overwhelmed.

Adam and I have limited our dinners to two a week on a regular basis. Occasionally, we’ll make exceptions and do one or two more but that is the exception and not the rule.

We try to keep it down to two, and will only do otherwise if there’s special circumstances like birthdays or rescheduling a dinner that got canceled.

When we do go above our limit of two dinners, we will try to take it easy the following week.

This allows us more than enough energy and alone time to focus on each other.

Do Set Aside Time for Friends

Having community is extremely important. You want to make sure you don’t over do it, but you also don’t want to avoid it.

In fact, before Adam and I had a strong church community we struggled with having no community. We had no example of what a Christian marriage looked like, and no one that was able to help guide us.

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

God designed us to have fellowship with one another. Fellowship, as well as marriage, can both be used to enhance our relationship with God.

It’s easy to hide your shame from people you hardly see. That is why it’s so important to a marriage or individuals to have co-discipleship with other Christians.

Despite not knowing how to balance a healthy marriage and social life immediately Adam and I have both experienced immense growth in our marriage since developing strong relationships with other couples.