by: Amanda Frittz
There seems to be a growing interest among young women in cultivating femininity, homemaking and homesteading. I love that these things are gaining attention. However, I don’t want people to feel like they have to fit these cookie-cutter images to be a good stay at home wife and mother.
Genesis 2:18 ESV “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
God makes it clear that women are called to be their husband’s helpers, but in that role, he gives a lot of freedom and creativity. This is such a blessing! We can use our unique personality, hobbies, and interests to glorify God and serve our family.
Being a Good Wife Means Knowing Your Families Values
Being a good wife is going to look different for every marriage. Your marriage is unique, and something that matters to one husband is not going to matter to another.
For example, the trend of homesteading got to me a few months ago. So much so, I was even in the process of making a Youtube video testing different bread recipes. Granted, I got tired after trying out three recipes and having all of them go to waste so I never got around to finishing it. Part of me felt like to be a good stay at home wife I needed to bake my husband fresh bread like I saw other women doing on social media.
So, I made bread – like a LOT of bread! However, my husband could care less if I spent the time making homemade bread, and it went to waste every single time. Honestly, I didn’t care about having fresh bread either; I just thought I needed to do it to be fulfilling my role successfully. I was listening to cultural trends and not mine or my husband’s values and uniqueness.
Don’t get me wrong, I think women who make all their bread and food from scratch are amazing! It’s just not something that my family values or expects when it comes to me fulfilling my role as a helper.
You Don’t Need to Appear a Certain Way
As femininity becomes a rising trend, I’ve seen many videos on cultivating your inner femininity. This is great, and I wish our society was a little more formal on a day to day basis, but your outward appearance has very little to do with being a good wife.
1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
The Bible even warns women to not only focus on their outward adorning. What they should focus on is their heart.
While it’s appealing to think that dressing up, accessorizing, and having good etiquette will make you the perfect wife, that’s not what’s most important. All these things can be good, but they aren’t necessary.
I know many women who are Godly women and great wives that could care less about doing their hair or dressing up. It’s not something they or their husbands put much value into. They still take care of themselves and make that evident, but they are by no means what I would consider to be “girly” or “feminine” in appearance. They’re tomboys, and that doesn’t change their effectiveness as Godly wives.
The Method of Homemaking Doesn’t Matter
Keeping a home is an extensive task, and rightfully so it will look different for everyone. Each family is going to have preferences on things that must always be cleaned, and things that are more relaxed.
I know for myself that Adam actually loves to cook. So, although I cook 97% of the time, when he has the time and we have guests over he enjoys preparing the food. Does this make me any less of a homemaker? No. There is no list of rules for being a homemaker. You and your husband have to decide what works for your family.
Don’t let yourself get too stuck on the method of how to accomplish something. Instead, focus on finishing it. Do whatever method works best for you and your family.
Another great example is the organization. Whenever I see other people’s home organization I always feel like mine is lacking. Yet, I know in all practicality they would not work for me. Items would not get put back in their perfect place, and the system would eventually become useless. I don’t need the “perfect” system; I just need to have a system that works for my family and me.