I Never Tell My Husband No

By: Amanda Frittz

Time to get intimate you guys, today we’re talking about sex. I know, not the most comfortable topic for most people but let’s get down to business and yes, expect to hear more puns haha.

As soon as Adam and I got married we agreed that we would never deny each other of our bodies. Now, this was before we even committed to following the Bible wholeheartedly. So, while we didn’t know much about what it would take to maintain a strong marriage we at least got something right!

1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way, you will be kept from giving in to Satan’s temptation because of your lack of self-control.”

This isn’t the only verse that talks about sex with your spouse and not denying each other in the Bible, but this is the one that clearly states why Adam and I chose to never deny each other even before we began actively following the Bible. We understood from the beginning that the feeling of rejection is DEADLY to relationships.

Humans innately hate rejection and let’s face it turning down your spouses initiative¬†is rejection. Saying, “I’m too tired” isn’t a good excuse. Heck, if it was I would be too tired almost every time my husband pursued me in the late evening. It’s not a good excuse. Now, there are good excuses and exemptions to every rule. If I’m sick and have been running a fever all day my husband should know not to pursue me, and if he does, yes I will gently let him down and ask for a rain check in the morning. But, if I’m just tired at the end of the day, that’s just not a good excuse. That stings like rejection and will lead to resentment.

A sex deprived relationship is at risk

Like it or not, if you deny your husband enough you are inviting resentment and sexual frustration into your relationship. As a result, you could end up with a situation where your husband has wandering eyes or relies on porn to fulfill his needs that are otherwise not met.

I know, as women we typically don’t have the crazy high sex drive that our husbands do. Personally, I would be satisfied having sex once or twice a week, while my husband needs a much higher frequency to be satisfied. Don’t think about that as a negative, sex is supposed to be God’s gift to a married couple. Don’t make it a chore, your husband desires you and wants to enjoy your body, feel blessed that he wants to experience being with you often.

Proverbs 5:19 “As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.”

Yes, that means even when I’m mad

I don’t allow sex or lack thereof to become a punishment for my husband when I’m mad. It’s not a bargaining tool.

In fact, sex can be a great way to prove that you have forgiven your spouse after an argument and come together again. Now, do note when I say all this I am not in an abusive relationship. This makes a HUGE difference. If you are in an abusive relationship seek counseling together, and if one party is not willing to work on themselves separation could be necessary for a period of time. Remember, God calls men to treat their wives with fragility.

Now, if your husband irritates your or raises his voice to you don’t hold that against him. I have always been the absolute worst when it comes to processing arguments. I shut down. However, in marriage, I have learned that doesn’t work. You can’t build up a wall you promised to keep down. Let them know their actions hurt you, but when they apologize don’t withhold your affection from them.

This is really hard. I know. It’s probably not a change that’s going to happen overnight if you’ve already built habits of shutting down after an argument. Give yourself grace and time to begin building healthier habits.

Make Sex More Enjoyable for You

Chances are if you’re married and not wanting to sleep with your husband it’s because you feel overwhelmed.  Be open and honest about that with your spouse. Tell him what he could do to help you get in the mood. Maybe that would be cleaning up after dinner so you can have a little you time to relax and unwind before getting into bed. Maybe it would be a massage. Whatever it is, start a discussion and tell your husband how he can help cater to your needs so you can be more excited about catering to his.

My Challenge for You

Okay, ladies, I’m going to challenge you to not deny your husbands affection for the next month. I’m going to even challenge you to take it a step further than sex, I want you to show him PG affection throughout the day. What does PG affection look like? It can be anything from rubbing his arm to words of affirmation. Show him that he is loved and desired.

Be prepared to see a man who begins to have a softened heart to serve you!

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