How to Balance a Healthy Marriage & Social Life

By: Amanda Frittz

Having a healthy marriage and social life balance was a lesson Adam and I learned the hard way. When we joined our church we overextended ourselves for the first few months before it finally caught up with us.

Adam and I both value intimate friendships, so much so that we had been doing 4-5 social events a week. Many of which consisted of dinners that we hosted or attended.

While this was a great season for our social lives, it slowly began to eat away at the intimacy of our marriage. We hardly had any alone time. All our great conversations together were in the company of other people.

We would become so drained throughout the week that we no longer had the energy to pour into each other. So slowly, we both had forgotten our love to talk to one another. More specifically, Adam had let go of his desire for talking one on one, and I didn’t know how to get him talking.

This lack of intimacy wedged itself so far into our marriage that Adam began watching porn. It wasn’t until the night before I had planned a slumber party that Adam came to me and confessed.

He came to me and told me I needed to cancel my girls night, and that we had some serious work to do in our relationship.

That was the first time in a while that I had made a decision that prioritized our relationship over our social lives.

More on our story with pornography to come, but all that said if you don’t have a healthy balance between your marriage life and social life it can be detrimental to the intimacy in your marriage.

Holding hands while showing off wedding bands

You and Your Spouse Need to Constantly be Working on Unification

If the only time you’re putting effort into socializing with your spouse is when you’re out with friends (like Adam and I did) that’s a huge warning sign! 

Just as God doesn’t want you to only know him through other people (like a pastor), but wants you to know him personally you should strive to know your spouse intimately too.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

You and your husband are meant to be one. You should be talking to him one on one consistently throughout the week and trying to unify your relationship.

a couple embracing each other

Be Purposeful With Your Time

Having planned time set aside to talk with your spouse may not be the most romantic thing ever, but it is necessary.

It’s too easy to get consumed by the busyness of life and forget to nurture your marriage. Over time, the lack of attention on your marriage will allow intimacy to dissipate without you even noticing!

Think about it, with any relationship we want to thrive we have to be purposeful. That’s why you set aside quiet time with God, or schedule weekly dinners with friends.

If you don’t set aside time, it won’t happen.

Pin Image - Man and Wife at alter saying vows

Set Limits to Maintain a Healthy Marriage & Social Life

Don’t overextend yourself to the point where you have no energy left to put into your marriage.

Limits are going to depend on the couple, and the season you’re in. Plan a time to discuss with your husband what you’re both comfortable committing to. Don’t be afraid to revisit this discussion if you begin to feel overwhelmed.

Adam and I have limited our dinners to two a week on a regular basis. Occasionally, we’ll make exceptions and do one or two more but that is the exception and not the rule.

We try to keep it down to two, and will only do otherwise if there’s special circumstances like birthdays or rescheduling a dinner that got canceled.

When we do go above our limit of two dinners, we will try to take it easy the following week.

This allows us more than enough energy and alone time to focus on each other.

Friends on a roof over looking skyline

Do Set Aside Time for Friends

Having community is extremely important. You want to make sure you don’t over do it, but you also don’t want to avoid it.

In fact, before Adam and I had a strong church community we struggled with having no community. We had no example of what a Christian marriage looked like, and no one that was able to help guide us.

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

God designed us to have fellowship with one another. Fellowship, as well as marriage, can both be used to enhance our relationship with God.

It’s easy to hide your shame from people you hardly see. That is why it’s so important to a marriage or individuals to have co-discipleship with other Christians.

Despite not knowing how to balance a healthy marriage and social life immediately Adam and I have both experienced immense growth in our marriage since developing strong relationships with other couples.

6 Comments

  1. April 10, 2019 / 6:47 pm

    Wonderful tips! I’m an extrovert married to an extreme introvert. We both need to work to make sure I’m getting enough social time while still respecting his need to stay home.

    • Faith in Home
      Author
      April 10, 2019 / 8:58 pm

      That so funny, my husband and I are complete opposites! I’m the introvert. Finding a good balance is so important!

  2. April 10, 2019 / 10:42 pm

    Love this! Setting aside time for your spouse is SO important for a marriage to thrive, and a lot of people forget to actually do it – or be intentional about it. Thanks for sharing this! ❤️

    • Faith in Home
      Author
      April 12, 2019 / 3:35 am

      It’s so easy to forget those kinds of things sometimes! Thank you for the encouragement.

  3. April 18, 2019 / 1:56 pm

    Such an important topic! My hubs and I have been married for nearly 25 years, and have 8 children. This has been a constant ‘issue’ in our marriage. Not so much that we argue about it, but that we simply ‘forget’ to prioritize it. Life is so busy! Great tips here. 🙂

    • Faith in Home
      Author
      April 18, 2019 / 4:23 pm

      That’s amazing! Congrats to 25 years and 8 kids! It is so easy, isn’t it? Glad this was relatable and useful. <3

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